


Shit My CO Says

by ArwenLune



Series: Rock Happy 'verse [4]
Category: Generation Kill, Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Colbert encountered this on Atlantis, Connected to Rock Happy, Daily life on Atlantis, Gen, Lists, There's like swearing and shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-05
Updated: 2012-04-07
Packaged: 2017-11-01 12:27:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/356774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArwenLune/pseuds/ArwenLune
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Brad Colbert mentioned in Rock Happy that he found a 'Shit My CO Says' list on the Atlantis wiki. And then I had to write it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Rock Happy](https://archiveofourown.org/works/321928) by [ArwenLune](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArwenLune/pseuds/ArwenLune). 



> Hope the GK people don't mind that I crosspost this - it's part of the Rock Happy universe, so I thought some of you might enjoy it anyway.

"Oh _bollocks_ " [Capt. Avery, about four times per mission]  
  
"How do you feel about your own performance?" [Maj. Lorne's favourite opening of an evaluation]  
  
"Ah, the daily tribute to the fire gods!" [Col. Sheppard, as a stack of paperwork is brought into his office]  
  
"What are these? They look sort of nice, like a game.... Maybe to make my daughter happy, she likes to play with shiny things." [Capt. Bahir, negotiating for an entire basket of control chrystals]  
  
"All right, let's file this under 'Nobody is ever to speak of this again', and move on." [Capt. Avery]

"I SAID FIRE IN THE FUCKING HOLE!" [Lt. Cadman, explaining the intricacies of explosives handling to a new Marine]

"Noted for the report: none of the local wildlife tasted of bacon. I'm sure the Xenobiology department will be _delighted_ with your experiments." [Maj. Lorne]  
  
"If I have to put down my surfboard to get any of you out of trouble, you will wish they had pulled General O'Neill from his fishing cabin instead." [Col. Sheppard, going on Earth leave at the same time as a platoon of Marines]  
  
"What cack-handed wanker has touched these settings?" [Capt. Avery]  
  
"They've got us by the goolies, sir." [Capt Avery]  
  
"What _kind_ of ritual?" [every. single. officer, because you only say 'we'd be honoured' before asking this ONCE]  
  
"Do you see a _bed_ anywhere here?" [Lt. Brittner, after comments about her bedside manner]  
  
"Is it a Tuesday? We always get Hive ships on Tuesdays." [Col. Sheppard]  
  
"Oh look, the Fuck-up Fairy has visited again." [Lt. Cadman]  
  
"Oh, it'll be a doddle, sir." [Capt. Avery]  
  
"Wat is dis? You kukhuvud! Have you not heard of Pey Pey Eh?!" [Kapten Lundgren, when finding somebody sitting unsecured on a pier ledge]  
  
"CHAAAARGE!" [Lt. Arroyo, putting torch batteries into the jumper charger]  
  
"Ma'am, aliens made me do it." [Col. Sheppard, when asked why he arrived back inebriated]  
  
"Lieutenant, marry me. That's an order."  
"A wedding or death by fire. You make a compelling proposal, sir."  
[Capt. Avery and Lt. Brittner]  
  
"My people also have ritual for successful trade deals." [Capt. Bahir, teaching a new trade contact to high-five]  
  
"Well, _this_ looks like a spilled cup of fuck." [Lt. Cadman, inspecting the interior of a jumper that had an inertial dampener failure]

 


	2. Chapter 2

"Holy FUCK sergeant, what happened to your - _everything_??" [Lt. Vaughn]

 

" _Anything_ but bloody ABBA, people." [Capt Avery is particular about singing in the jumper]

 

 "We might maybe could be having... somewhat of a hitch, Captain." [Lt. Daugherity]  
"Interrogative, what _kind_ of hitch?" [Captain Patel]  
"The type that involves inquisitive local fauna with big teeth, sir!" [Lt, voice rising in pitch]

 

"Jesus, sometimes it's just like having two hundred younger brothers who all want to be on _Jackass_." - Lt Cadman

 

"Gunny, did he just say that we all needed to bathe in the ice cold springs before their Elders will talk to us?" - Lt. Boyd  
"That he did, sir." - GySgt Liehr  
"Yes, I thought he might have."

 

"There appears to be a bit of a fracas, sir." [Lt. Simmons]  
"Are you sure? Looks more like a ruckus to me. Maybe a rumpus." [Major Lorne]  
[a native roars and throws over a table, fighting starts]  
"NOW it's a fracas."

 

"If at first you don't succeed, use more C4. _Lots_ more C4." [Lt Cadman]  
"That's basically your solution to everything, isn't it?"  [Lt. Brittner]  
"That's because _it always works!_ "

 

"Do you know that feeling when you want to take a swan dive off of the nearest balcony?" - Lt. Fletcher, (on control room duty), to Lt. Vaughn (ready room duty)  
"Yes, actually, I do." - Colonel Carter, standing behind them

 

"Colonel Sheppard, by which definition of 'situation under control' are we working today? Please advise." [Major Lorne]

 

"Right, let's sort out this goatfuck." - Lt. Brittner  
"Ma'am, there are ladies present!" - Staff sgt Wenckworth, scandalised!  
[Mutual double take]

 "Corporal, please go find a sword to throw yourself on." [Colonel Sheppard]

 

 "Listen up, you lot. The scientists working in the Cake now have stunners. If any of you idiot Devil Dogs feel the need to moon them again, you deserve to end up dangling from your harness in a bareassed fashion." - Captain Holmbeck, addressing the Marine pasttime of crossing the cakewalk to moon scientists from outside their 12th floor windows.

 

 "Colonel, we found something!" - Captain Klimczyk  
"Did you fall into a hole?" - Colonel Carter  
"Um... yes, ma'am."  
"I'm beginning to catch on to the Pegasus definition of 'finding something'."

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

"Oh great. More Genii shenanigans." [Colonel Sheppard, in the control room]  
"I'm going to make up a separate category for mission reports and call it that." [Major Lorne]  
"I second that motion. Anybody against?" [looking around at bemused junior officers] "Carried."

 

"Captain, could you get me the thingy from the..." [trails off, vague handwave] "Jumper?"  
"The pointy thing?"  
"Yeah, that one." [after a moment of thought] "We're really approaching new levels of um.... thing, here. Eloquence. Communication."  
[Lt. Brittner and Capt Avery after 36 hours without sleep]

 

 "COMPANY... DISAFUCKINGPEAR!" [ First Sergeant Rennaker]

 

 "So Doctor, if I understand this right, you'd like to unofficially notify me that the non-existent alcohol in your non-existent still has disappeared?" - Captain Patel.

 

"You Marines are like ants! Absolutely everywhere and there's no keeping you out!"  
[How Dr Beckett gave the Anthill its name]

 

"Hey Doc, what's wrong with my Marine, apart from the Rectal cranial inversion?" - Lt. Arroyo

 

'Marine squad deployed to the courtyard in section C3 to break up fistfight. Reportedly somebody cheated at unicycle polo'  
[Lt. Boyd in the Gateroom log]

 

"Colonel, M3B-064 will henceforth be known as 'Planet Of The Ganja' and I strongly suggest we mark it as 'do not visit' in the database."  
[Major Lorne's team returns from a mission]

 

"So how are we-"  
"Well, beyond-"  
"I can see that. How's-"  
"Pissed off, but okay."  
"Good. And we're-"  
"Any moment now."  
"Nice work."

[Colonel Sheppard and Major Lorne, overheard sitrep. USAF is obviously working on advanced levels of psychic communication]

 

 


End file.
